The Beach Plum (Portsmouth, New Hampshire)

Like any good ad man, I judge places by their billboards. And there’s one billboard that catches my eye each and every summer when I’m driving through Revere. Now, bear in mind that Revere is home to Kelly’s Roast Beef, the greatest beach restaurant in the civilized world. What kind of restaurant – especially one from New Hampshire! – would have the chutzpah to advertise their lobster rolls right down the street from Revere Beach?

Well, The Beach Plum in Portsmouth, New Hampshire has the schnutzes to do so. But should they?

We hit The Beach Plum on the way back from picking the kids up from camp. It was a steamy summer afternoon and The Beach Plum was jammed, but they were handling it with aplomb.

The menu board contained a multitude of interesting things to consider.

First, they offer “beach style” lobster rolls. What could that possibly mean? (I’m guessing that it means that you get a bag of chips.)

Secondly, they boast “premium hard shell” lobsters (hard shell means that the lobster has grown into the shell and it usually has more meat; soft shell means that that lobster grew a new shell and there’s usually less meat but it can be more tender).

Finally, you order by the amount of lobster meat! Mind blown! (I went for the 10 oz. roll for a pricey $21.99).

Crustacean: The lobster meat was incredible. Pure perfection. I’d marry it if bestial-polygamy was legal. It was mostly claw and knuckle meat and it was glorious. 49 points

Components: The Beach Plum is all about the lobster. They don’t even have lettuce in their roll! It didn’t taste salt, pepper or lemon. We’re talking plentiful lobster, just enough mayo, butter and roll (the roll was butter-grilled exactly right). Truthfully, I’m not sure much more is required, if you get the basics right.  29 points

Construction: The roll was overflowing with lobster and I ate a little of the top with a fork before picking up the roll. I guess that’s a complaint but not really. 19 points

Total score: 97

The lobster roll at The Beach Plum was so, so good even though it was so, so pricey. Well worth the drive to New Hampshire, this roll is going to be tough to beat. You’ve earned your billboard, Beach Plum!

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