The Beach Plum (Portsmouth, New Hampshire)

Like any good ad man, I judge places by their billboards. And there’s one billboard that catches my eye each and every summer when I’m driving through Revere. Now, bear in mind that Revere is home to Kelly’s Roast Beef, the greatest beach restaurant in the civilized world. What kind of restaurant – especially one from New Hampshire! – would have the chutzpah to advertise their lobster rolls right down the street from Revere Beach?

Well, The Beach Plum in Portsmouth, New Hampshire has the schnutzes to do so. But should they?

We hit The Beach Plum on the way back from picking the kids up from camp. It was a steamy summer afternoon and The Beach Plum was jammed, but they were handling it with aplomb.

The menu board contained a multitude of interesting things to consider.

First, they offer “beach style” lobster rolls. What could that possibly mean? (I’m guessing that it means that you get a bag of chips.)

Secondly, they boast “premium hard shell” lobsters (hard shell means that the lobster has grown into the shell and it usually has more meat; soft shell means that that lobster grew a new shell and there’s usually less meat but it can be more tender).

Finally, you order by the amount of lobster meat! Mind blown! (I went for the 10 oz. roll for a pricey $21.99).

Crustacean: The lobster meat was incredible. Pure perfection. I’d marry it if bestial-polygamy was legal. It was mostly claw and knuckle meat and it was glorious. 49 points

Components: The Beach Plum is all about the lobster. They don’t even have lettuce in their roll! It didn’t taste salt, pepper or lemon. We’re talking plentiful lobster, just enough mayo, butter and roll (the roll was butter-grilled exactly right). Truthfully, I’m not sure much more is required, if you get the basics right.  29 points

Construction: The roll was overflowing with lobster and I ate a little of the top with a fork before picking up the roll. I guess that’s a complaint but not really. 19 points

Total score: 97

The lobster roll at The Beach Plum was so, so good even though it was so, so pricey. Well worth the drive to New Hampshire, this roll is going to be tough to beat. You’ve earned your billboard, Beach Plum!

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Manhattan Sandwich Co. (Marblehead, Massachusetts)

Lobster rolls are so simple that there’s generally not much more involved in ordering one than saying: “I’ll have the lobster roll, please,” so imagine my surprise when I was asked whether I wanted my roll toasted.

My first instinct, naturally, was to panic. How am I supposed to know whether I want the roll toasted? Obviously I wanted the roll grilled with butter, the normal way. Leaning back on my military training (I watched “Stripes” a lot as a kid) I gathered my wits and thought through the dilemma. A raw bun could be nice but it could also be chewy and soggy. A toasted bun could be nicely warmed and crisped or it could be too hard. I decided to go with the toasted bun. And then I wondered why “Stripes” turns into an action movie halfway through. Did they run out of yucks?

Manhattan Sandwich Co. is a good, dependable sandwich shop in a strip mall in Marblehead. Nothing about it is vaguely Manhattan-esque.

Crustacean: I’m going to assume that the lobster was local lobster and not flown in from Manhattan. The lobster meat was excellent and the portion was quite generous for the $9.99 price.  Clearly the closer you get to the source the cheaper and better the lobster gets. 48 points

Components: This was a very simple roll featuring just lobster, mayo and shredded lettuce. All of the components were great – except for the roll, which was too doughy, too big and just not the best canvas for the lobster.  12 points

Construction: The roll was a little lopsided, with more meat on one side than the other. Thankfully, I was able to redistribute the lobster with minimal effort.  The top of the roll was over-toasted as I feared, but I’m still not sure if I would have been better off with a raw roll. 12 points

Total score: 72

The lobster roll was also accompanied by a bag of chips of my choosing (ugh, more decisions!) I wish I could give this a higher grade based on how excellent the lobster meat was and what a great value it was, but a lobster roll consists of both lobster and roll and the roll really let me down this time. Even so, I’d still recommend a stop by the Manhattan Sandwich Co. next time you’re in the Head.

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