The Littlest Bar (Boston, Massachusetts)

Many years ago a co-worker and I were traveling through the wilds of Massachusetts (meaning outside of Route 128) to a client meeting. As usual, we were running late and didn’t eat lunch ahead of time. Desperate times call for desperate measures and we eventually found a country gas station. Assessing the situation I went for the ultra-safe Power Bar and pretzel option. My friend, being British, pulled a tuna fish sandwich out of the cooler. A tuna fish sandwich. Made with mayo. At a country gas station. I asked him what he was thinking, but as I said, he’s British, so he didn’t see the harm.

I was reminded of this story when a (different) friend suggested that we eat at The Littlest Bar in Boston and I decided to get the Lobster Roll. A lobster roll. Made with mayo. At a city bar. Now, in my non-British defense, the ocean – where lobsters come from – is visible from The Littlest Bar. But it was still a poor decision. A very, very poor decision on my part. But this blog demands my full commitment.

I recall The Littlest Bar being in Downtown Crossing so it had obviously been a decade since I had been there because it relocated to the financial district about 8 years ago. The “Succulent Lobster Roll” was the first item listed in the sandwich section, so like Det. Charles Boyle from the Brooklyn 9-9, I dove headfirst into the succulent.

Crustacean: while the menu boasted “fresh maine (sic) shucked lobster meat,” I think they meant “can” when they said “maine”. The meat was artificially red, smelled off and tasted terrible. 10 points

Components: The Littlest Bar decided to pursue a lottest of questionable ingredients, including: chiffonade romaine lettuce (soggy), tomatoes (meh), basil aioli (an extremely weird flavor to add to lobster, overwhelming and off-putting), diced celery (unnoticeable) and buttery brioche roll (a little thick but fine). All in all, this is a case of trying too hard and majorly failing. 15 points

Construction: they were cheap with the lobster, but in retrospect that was probably for the best. There were too many vegetables underneath. It was adequately constructed at best. 10 points

Total score: 35

It was an awful lobster roll. The worst I can recall eating. Not worth the $19.99 at all, especially with the bad cole slaw and soggy fries. The only good news is that McDonald’s probably won’t get my lowest grade now.

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